thirteen.

So, if being scared to death about sending the boys to new schools (that you could literally park their old school in a tiny corner of the new ones- and yes, they go to separate schools because of over crowding) wasn't emotionally taxing enough- Alexandria is turning thirteen on Monday.

Thirteen.

I feel like she should be turning 27... I feel like she just turned 8. That's how loose my grasp of time is with her. She's been here forever- she just got here... it's both, all at once.

Alexandria Abigail.

She's an old soul.
She's insightful.
She's hilarious.
She's cranky.
She's smart.
She's beautiful.
She's addicted to carbs.
She's fiercely creative.
She's a realist.
She's a dancer.
She's Carlos.
She's me.

She's thirteen.

Being a mom.

So, last week- Alexandria went off to youth group camp. It was at the beach, in the gulf- 6 hours away. She stayed in a villa, went shopping, drank coffee, made friends, burnt her hand with a flat iron, went to the pool, cooked pizzas in the oven, laughed, cried, danced, prayed- all of this without me. All of this while I was at home missing her. I was really worried about her the whole time... but she loved it. She said she never wanted to leave.

I was pretty much an emotional wreck last week. It's just that everybody is growing up so fast, and time is getting away from me. I'm nervous about the kids going to new schools. I'm nervous about Alexandria turning into a teenager this month. I'm nervous about everything when it comes to my kids.

It's hard being a mom- not just because it's so much work, not just because it's total sacrifice...but because there is so much to think and worry about. There are a million things to worry about.

To me- the driving force of motherhood is love, and this love is put to action by an instinctual fear of something happening to your child.
It's the heights of all emotion-
Happiness.
Sadness.
Fear.
Relief.
Pride.
Embarrassment.
All of it,
everything,
and so much more...

That's being a mom.