sorely missed.

grandma stella with my nieces, nephew and alexandria...
ice cream for everyone.
and below she's on the front porch
with tanner, alexandria, lauren, and "baby-ham."

Stella = Star

i have a very distinct childhood memory
of being at the tulsa zoo with grandma stella
i had dropped my spending money
and wanted to go look for it
"you'll never find it" she said
(she wasn't always an optimist)
but i went back a few feet and there it was
laying on the ground.
she looked at me with the biggest sparkle in her eyes
"you're such a lucky girl." she said
i could tell that she really meant it
she said things with such conviction.

another time i saw that sparkle:

when josh and i flew to midwest city to spend a week with her
i was about 10 or so.
we were the last off the plane, escorted by airline staff...
i can still remember the look on her face when she saw us
so bright and happy, her arms were reaching out.
the flight attendant asked her if she was our grandmother
"i am, i am, i am" she said.
I had never seen anyone look so happy just to see a couple of kids.


i've always been told i smile with my eyes.
something i know i got from her.

and now a quote from stella i know you'll enjoy...


"nobody with their eyes that close together could have a lick of sense"

-grandma stella's thoughts on george w. bush

should I?

i love tattoos.
but i could never take the plunge.
my dad has a huge scar on his arm from having one cut off
(i guess before laser removal they just cut them off.)
so he always said not to do it...
i'd regret it later.
but in my defense i would never get a naked lady or anything.

it's a huge decision
but i think i just might do it.
how bad does it hurt?
i've had natural childbirth so i'm no wimp
but it seems like it might really hurt.

i think i want a bird.

free expression?

my boys...
after a lifetime of wearing these
they picked these

sadness.

first impressions.

i thought it might make matt feel more comfortable
if he got to pick his shirt for the first day of school.
considering his fondness for these shirts.
i think i really dodged a bullet.

i'm getting a little more nervous.
but he seems ok.

groovin' on a sunday afternoon.

cherry limeade.
cool breeze.
80's tunes.

hackers...

i really hate these.
seriously.
they're ruining my life.
(yes i'm being dramatic.)

i think BRIGHTWELL will back me up on this one...
you just haven't lived until you've hacked away
at " individually quick frozen" (codeword: might-as well-be-concrete)
bananas with scissors.
it takes about 10 minutes of hacking
just to prep them for...
30 minutes of "slack time" (defrosting)
only to live a very short
2 hour shelf life.
and repeat.

it's just one more element of over the top-ness
sbux is throwing at us right now.
hey howard..."we're making coffee not saving lives"

of course i may have to save a life if someone gets injured,
you know,
with all the hacking!

LOL

heavy hearts.

several of my friends are sad right now.
as someone who spent several years being very sad...

i sympathize.

and i love you.

and i promise...yes, promise...

it will get better.

bearer of gifts

it's amazing how important certain roles are for kids.
matt wanted to be the one to carry a birthday gift yesterday.
here you see him taking his job very seriously.

for years matt wanted to be the one to open the van door.
and so of course the big kids would threaten to take his job
EVERY TIME we left the house!
they would go barreling out of the door,
pushing and screaming, falling over each other
sometimes busting knees on the pavement.

good times.

*I asked Carlos to edit the pic and cover up our license plate numbers for privacy/security reasons, I think he did an outstanding job!

it's an iphone, not a baby.

"everything started at 3:00 a.m."
"I'm a little sleepy because I've been up so long."
"it's just so amazing."
"It took about 14 hours,
until I had it in my hands."
"good thing I took the day off work."
"I gave my wife the older one,
and now I have two."
"I'm so excited."

Several different men, all the same story

...and for the one who camped out all night but just couldn't get the special upgrade price, you got so close, but you have to save up a little more...

Godspeed.

be kind to service personnel. seriously.

today i made drinks from 6-10 am
one guy was especially pre-schoolish.
two triple grande lattes in a row.
seconds apart...
literally i think 5 seconds apart.
first guy says "thank you so much!"
and i say "you're welcome, thank you!"
second guy looked confused.
"have a good day" I said
he answers
"yeah. he took mine."
and shakes his head in disbelief...

*the last time I checked that is not a correct response to "have a good day." and sorry your wait was increased by 5 seconds, I hope that somehow you can find the inner strength to get through this.

made a lot of "quad grandes"
I called them.
"quad grande hazelnut latte"
"quad grande caramel macchiato"
each time I was given "it's a QUAD, RIGHT???"

*RIGHT! you like four shots in your 16 ounce cup of milk. oh wow, congrats!

or I say "decaf tall mocha"
reply "is it decaf?"

*yup, that's why I called it a decaf tall mocha. logical huh? I know, corporate thinks of everything, those crazy kids!

it's not that I mind being questioned
it's the intensity level these people operate on.
so it kinda feels like verbal abuse.
sounds fun right?
i guess that is why all us baristas create these dialogs,
and then act them out like skits when there are no customers around.
we laugh and laugh.
so mean customers are kinda fun after all!


*such are the thoughts behind my retail smile.

retail therapy.

wondering.

browsing.

not buying. just looking.

dollar store dilemma.

sparks.

life lessons courtesy of Stella Mae...

when visiting grandma Stella
it was usually unannounced
otherwise she'd cook
a roast, a ham, and 3 kinds of pie,
expect for you to eat it all
then call you fat.
so we didn't usually tell her we were coming
just dropped by.
rude i guess.
but she was always prepared,
dressed,
clean house,
the works.

I apparently did not inherit her self discipline.

the doorbell rang this morning
and it went something like this:

2 kids standing on the couch looking through the blinds
1 schnauzer going psycho killer guard dog
1 silly mom looking out the peephole thinking it was the lawn guy coming for his check. (no problem he's seen us in our crazy state before)
1 tween already dressed being told to let him know I'd be right there with his money... "it's not him" she says...

dread.

it was the power guy
I scroll my brain trying to remember if I paid the bill,
YES!!! paid.
shew.

upgrades to the gas he said
then he'd be in to relight the pilot.
"cool" I said with a petrified grin.

for anyone who may remember
the PBS show "big comfy couch"
I performed an exaggerated version of a 10 second tidy
and restrained the dog...

doorbell again.
so soon?
I showed him to the water heater.
he had a huge box of matches.
He was a good ol' boy
probably thinks women should keep the house clean.

thankfully Matthew had put his shorts on.
"sorry for the craziness" I said.
I was embarrassed.
so I also told him
we weren't expecting anyone...
just in case he didn't realize
we were caught off guard.

He hesitantly chuckled,
and went on his way.