the bottom line.

So, I haven't written in forever.
Truth is, I haven't known where to begin. There's so much that has been happening, leaving me with swirling thoughts- and a deep awareness of my inability to convey them.

I want to just spill it.
Rent a billboard.
Make it be fair.
Shake somebody by the shoulders.
Change the past.
Write a book.
Alas, It's not my story to tell.

Except, it is my story...
because family is family,
and when one of us goes down- we all go down.

I never knew a heart could break so many times over. Everytime, I'm shocked at my ability recover.
And honestly, my savior complex took a crushing blow when I realized that I'm never going say the perfect thing to make it better. I'm never going witness a "lightbulb moment" for sobody who doesn't want one.

Everybody makes mistakes. We do what we can to fix them, and hope for forgiveness.
Sometimes there's deeper issues. Some people just don't know how to love. Some people had it bad I guess, and they're damaged beyond repair- so they hurt people beyond repair.

Certain scenes from this life may play out like a bad movie. And you find yourself watching the replay when you can't sleep at night. It's just always running in the back of your mind. You want to throw something at the screen during the part where you play the fool. You want to cover your eyes when somebody is about to get hurt- but you can't. It's real life. And all we can really do is try our best.

Bottom line- certain things are horrible, but if you come out of it with deeper love for your family- hate can't win. Hurt can't win. Loss can't win. Love will win.

Love always wins.