Ways of being

The last several months, I've been experiencing some growing pains. Most days have left me as a human puddle of emotion; explaining to Carlos that I just can't do it ALL anymore. And by ALL, I mean school, work, pets, house, kids, etc.  Just everything. 

Carlos is probably the best person in the world to fall apart around. He's a safe place, he's the very definition of compassion, and he's hilarious. Which matters because laughter is the best medicine.  Anyway, Carlos is amazing and I don't deserve him. 

I digress. 

So basically, I've been a hot mess. And asking God to show me what to do. And by asking, I mean begging.

Here's the deal, everything I hear back starts with BE instead of DO. 

Yup, it's all about being. 

Being pure of negative thoughts and words. Being sweet. Being strong. Being diligent. Being patient. 

So often we want a change, or a solution, or immediate results. We want to DO something to make things better. And while getting a degree is definitely doing something, there's no part of it that's fast or easy, so meanwhile, you've got to find ways to cope. You have to figure how to function while your whole life is on hold yet going strong at the same time. 

The only way I've half-way figured it out is to be patient. I mean really be patient in the depths of my heart, a total surrender to this season. Because its going to take a long time and its going to be hard. I just have to trust that it's also going to be worth it. 

Perhaps what I've realized is while I'm getting my degree in nursing, I'm also getting my degree in patience. I happen to think they're equally valuable, and equally challenging. 

And I've learned I need to be intentional in both being and doing.  

Until next time,  I'm patiently yours 

~ ht