Five years ago today...10/19/2002

Matthew was born...

mommy approved

daddy approved

Alexandria, Abraham and KK approved

midwife approved

my poem for Matthew...

He came to me up through the water
Looking for the face that matched the voice he'd been hearing.
When he found me he seemed relieved.
What a journey he'd traveled
and now in his first destination-
my arms .
I thought of the times yet to come
when he'd find me again and again.
All the journeys yet taken,
from inches away, to miles.
Then I prayed,
may I always be a refuge.
A perfect stranger, yet so familiar.
And in the moment of his birth,
surrounded by love,
safe in his home,
warm in my arms,
I knew
we were meant for each other.

puppy love...

mood(y)

tonight, I'm in a weird mood...I think I might just be tired but instead of just realizing I'm tired I keep getting hints from myself like slurring words or saying things backwards or being overly emotional and distraught for no good reason...I feel overly distraught for taking Matthew to a tacky little walk-in place for what turned out to be his first bad haircut when I knew full well that nothing good comes out of those places except brainless buzz cuts...my kids have unusual amounts of very thick hair and only skilled stylist can take it on...I knew that. Carlos mentioned that it's his rite of passage...a bad haircut is inevitable really...I think maybe I've just reached my quota of stupid mistakes this month and I've run out of forgiveness for myself. Another issue is that he's turning 5 on Friday and I'm ALWAYS emotional on my children's birthdays ALWAYS!
I can play out the days surrounding his birth like a movie in my head...having a baby brings a visit or a conversation from everyone who loves you, meals delivered to your door, flowers and soft blankets, hugs and blessings not to mention this bundle that smells like heaven who molds into your arms and simply melts your heart...I'm sad because its been so long since I've had a baby...I'm sad because I'm so far away from the people who made my baby having days so unforgettable...OK, I said it or actually wrote it in the worlds longest run-on sentence either way...I feel better.

air gunther...

new glasses

james...

you're going to be a great dad.

One of my favorite pictures of Alexandria...have I mentioned that I love the Fall?

Age 4

don't tell aiya but I've been reading her emails...

I can't help it, she emails her cousin Lauren back and forth and it's just sooo cute to read! Here's a little of what they've been writing about lately...

AUNT KELLY HAD HER BABY YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW AND SHE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE ISNT SHE

she is!!!,and did you know that aunt Jacki is having one to?

that is soooooooooo awesome i so cant wait to see you guyz again i miss you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much

that is sooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!!!! mimi and papa-dan are coming to see us to at the end of the month !

How is school? Hope you have a nice teacher! I do but my SS teacher is a little grumpy,but other than that I'm good.

im being home schooled and it is going great

4 step plan for taking out the trash

Abraham was taking out the trash, when he came back inside Carlos asked him what he was going to do next (insinuating he should wash his hands) but of course he had to put a funny spin on it by explaining the process in detail "Abraham style"

step 1. take out the trash
step 2. put a new bag in
step 3. wash your hands
step 4. go on with your life

till death do us part...

Tomorrow, October 5th is Carlos and my ELEVENTH wedding anniversary. A part of me can't believe it's been that long another part feels like we've been married forever. When I look at Carlos I see the years...the layers, we've been through so much and we are a success story. To me the most amazing thing about our marriage is the way we've grown together...growth is easier to see in someone else than in yourself. Just as he's gotten better over the years , I know I'm better too...mostly because of him.

"school home" with Matt

Excuse the blurry cell phone picture but I just had to post a picture of Matthew doing his so called "assignments" on the floor in his Sponge Bob pj's.

Happy October...

I love the fall. I'm enjoying these last few weeks of seeing green before all the colors start changing. This week marks one year since we moved into this house, I can still remember the elation I felt on moving day... It was like the weight of the world lifted and blew away with the cool breeze.
Enjoy the Fall!