eleven years ago.

i was about to become a mother for the first time.

alexandria wasn't due for another 3 weeks
so when we were leaving for the hospital
i realized that we hadn't bought a car seat yet
i told carlos "we'll never procrastinate again"
yeah right...procrastinating is my favorite.

i got to the hospital on the evening of august 21 st.
and she wasn't born until the morning of the 23 rd.
that was the last thing i expected to happen
and i got pretty ticked off at my friends who had a 3 hour labors.
just when i had decided she was never coming out
there she was...
all 6lbs 13ozs of splendor.

best day ever.

me time.

hair cut/style
a little coffee/social time with my girls
and i just found out i've got a pair of these coming
yay for me.

my new life.

matthew woke up this morning and told me he dreamed
of wining a toy from the "claw game"
which happens to be one of his
biggest aspirations in life at the moment.
he told me he won an elephant for aiya...
yes it's truly a dream
that he would be so giving.

i just can't tell you how bizarre it is to drop him off at school
in the morning
after a 5 year run as my baby.
he goes in with no hesitation
and tries to keep up with abraham
who is supposed to walk him to class
(they wont let the parents in anymore...those haters)
i think it's more like a game of
follow the leader while
zig-zagging thru the hall
than a protective, loving escort
with a pat on the back and a "see ya later"
he has to keep it cool i guess.

carlos and i ran some errands today
with no kids to wrangle.
again...bizarre.

i find myself smiling at moms
who are chasing their toddlers
or pushing strollers
and saying things like
"i remember those days"
or "they grow up fast."

so very bizarre.

promise.

blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

james 1:12

remember the titan.

so abraham's little gecko named titan
seems to have passed away...
i am very sad.
i really liked him.

we didn't think he was eating
but didn't want to give up and take him back to
the pet store too soon.

my feelings towards the lizard makes me wonder
just how much of a animal lover i actually am.
i really enjoyed him...
and worried a lot about whether or not he was ok.
he seemed pretty good until this afternoon.

feeling sad
has caught me by surprise.
it's just a little lizard
but having the responsibility
to take care of him
caused me to bond with him i guess...

poor little buddy.

a good movie:

making friends.

day one. success.

walkin to school.

sun in eyes.

waiting to go in.

handsome 3rd grader.

goodbye hugs (not cool)

beautiful 5th grader.

not enthused but ok.

unpacking.

daddy says goodbye.

when carlos and i were leaving the school
the secretary was calling my cell
because abraham had left his lunch at home.
she saw me and erupted into laughter because i must have brought
abe his lunch 50 times last year.
we forget things
it's what we do.

all the kids had such a good day.
and i did too
hanging with my friend
and shopping for tattoos.

apples and trees...

i'm up before the sun
slightly nervous about today
surfin the web
because i've already done every quiet chore possible
thought i'd share yet another fun fact
about one of my kids...

alexandria has a blog
although i don't let her post much
because she doesn't need another thing
making her feel older
than she really is...(please lord)
but i find her to be witty
and i thought you might enjoy reading this post:

ouch.... the pains of a Return Sport Ball.

Today my dad brought home 3 Of those Return Sport Balls. And my brothers went CRAZY!!! So they started trying them out wile I just held mine and looked at it because the first time I tried mine I almost injured someone very, very badly! and of course something bad had to happen, and theses are the things that happened.

1. a lamp almost got knocked over,
2. I got hit in the arm, thigh, and the belly
3. I jammed my middle finger,
4. my dog is scared of them and he got hit.

I don't recommend them.


*first day of school post coming soon

I have no silver or gold but what I have, I will give you.

back to school= stress

my kids needed so much stuff.
all the running around,
backpacks, lunch boxes, shoes, supplies.
all the while there is an ache
of not wanting to let go.
then they start acting crazy
and the ache subsides a little.

the part of me that is simplistic
thinks it's all ridiculous
i could keep them home
and we could "do school" at the breakfast table
have picnics and adventures...
but then reality comes screeching back in
and i'm overwhelmed at that idea.

what is one to do when two worlds
are beckoning
both equally appealing
both having pros and cons...
"go with your peace"
my dad would say.

for today i'm at peace
with the new beginning tomorrow holds...
i think of how my abraham walks the halls
greeting people by name,
always eager to present the facts,
I see the smiles he invokes just by being abraham.
and alexandria, holding her own yet being a good friend
and a delightful student as each of her teachers have stated.
and matt...he's new to this
but sure to charm with his loving nature and practical outlook on life.

they're all i've ever really accomplished...
and i certainly can't take all the credit
but they are really sweet kids
and i'm going to miss them from 8-2:30


p.s.

I've rediscovered a treasure... a record that was a soundtrack to my youth and my introduction to the best band ever. it is "rattle and hum"
i cant help but sing along to every word
including when bono goes into a political rant (that i love) and then says:
"am i bugging you? I don't mean to bug ya. ok edge, play the blues"

(i yell that part as if the edge needs my permission)

if you haven't heard it lately, or maybe just a few sons on shuffle, listen to the whole thing...it has a nice flow, and it will bless you.


*the aforementioned political rant (that i love):
"Yep, silver and gold.
This song was written in a hotel room in New York City.
'Round about the time a friend or ours, little Steven,
was putting together a record of artists against apartheid.
This is a song written about a man in a shanty town outside of Johannesburg.
A man who's sick of looking down the barrel of white South Africa.
A man who is at the point where he is ready to take up arms
against his oppressor.
A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the west while
they argue and while they fail to support a man like bishop Tutu
and his request for economic sanctions against South Africa.

Am I buggin' you?
I don't mean to bug ya.

Ok Edge, play the blues."

what tha hail?

thanks to mother nature's furry
i have about 200 dings in my van
from a 10 minute hail storm last night.

i have never seen anything like it.

the weather is so weird here.

sorely missed.

grandma stella with my nieces, nephew and alexandria...
ice cream for everyone.
and below she's on the front porch
with tanner, alexandria, lauren, and "baby-ham."

Stella = Star

i have a very distinct childhood memory
of being at the tulsa zoo with grandma stella
i had dropped my spending money
and wanted to go look for it
"you'll never find it" she said
(she wasn't always an optimist)
but i went back a few feet and there it was
laying on the ground.
she looked at me with the biggest sparkle in her eyes
"you're such a lucky girl." she said
i could tell that she really meant it
she said things with such conviction.

another time i saw that sparkle:

when josh and i flew to midwest city to spend a week with her
i was about 10 or so.
we were the last off the plane, escorted by airline staff...
i can still remember the look on her face when she saw us
so bright and happy, her arms were reaching out.
the flight attendant asked her if she was our grandmother
"i am, i am, i am" she said.
I had never seen anyone look so happy just to see a couple of kids.


i've always been told i smile with my eyes.
something i know i got from her.

and now a quote from stella i know you'll enjoy...


"nobody with their eyes that close together could have a lick of sense"

-grandma stella's thoughts on george w. bush