i can't fight this feeling anymore.

"When your memories are greater than your dreams, you are already beginning to die."

-Kris Vallottoon

Silly quotes- that hit me like a ton of bricks. Silly words- that cut me to the core.

My question is...what am i supposed to do about it?

So I was reading my brother's blog about influence, and feeling really inspired and depressed at the same time. Isn't that the perfect example of being melancholy- inspired and depressed? I think that is what really good writing does to people. It makes you happy and breaks your heart at the same time. I'll speak for myself and say, it makes me want to write better, so maybe I can make sense of it all. And as a bonus, maybe someone will understand.

And if you read his blog, you should know, he writes the riffs that people hum when they're watering plants. He writes solos that will make you cry-even when you're happy.

That's enough about that.

I have been deep in the throes of an identity crisis, and coming to grips with the fact that I never thought past the moment my kids wouldn't need me every moment of the day. I never planned past the first day of kindergarten. I never planned much of anything.

So I'm just trying to get a handle on whatever this emo-ish funk I'm in. And thinking of my life, and what I want to do.

I have taken personality tests, and I've always come back mostly melancholy perfectionist. I think a lot of people consider this personality type a serious drag. But I come from a long line of us, and we're okay-once you get to know us. Anyway, I found this article, and although it's not intended to be funny, parts of it made me laugh. Which is good.

Yeah, the part about "asserting control by becoming moody and withdrawn." um, ouch! I never thought of it as control, just that i was just ticked off and wanted everyone to know...haha.

I know I'm not serious enough to be a true hardcore melancholy.

I'm a lightweight.

Except when I'm not.

When considering the melancholy's core emotional needs, it's important to remember the five "S's": space, silence, sensitivity, support and stability. Generally speaking, melancholies are serious individuals, and they appreciate people who share their deep-thinking and idealistic natures. Also, people with this temperament assert their control in situations by becoming moody and withdrawn.

Complete foils to the sunny sanguines, melancholies are characterized by their self-deprecating comments and overwhelming desires for perfection. However, people with this personality type are also known for being extremely loyal and faithful to those they let in their inner circle. Unlike fickle sanguines, who are known for having numerous friends and acquaintances, melancholies will be a friend for life.

Below are the key strengths and weakness ascribed to melancholies:

Key Strengths	Key Weaknesses
Analytical, detailed and orderly	Pessimistic, insecure and resentful
Considerate and respectful	Depression-prone and negative
Sensitive and self-sacrificing	Unforgiving and skeptical
Cultured and idealistic	Suspicious and introverted

Managing the Melancholy

When managing a melancholy, you should approach him or her in an intellectual, sensible manner. As people who appreciate sincerity, they don't like it when administrators beat around the bush. Also, criticizing melancholies is usually unnecessary, as they are typically hard enough on themselves. According to Littauer, "Melancholies are task-oriented folks who are careful and organized. These perfectionists thrive on order, and you can depend on them to complete a job on time. But, their perfectionism may make them critical or pessimistic, and they drive themselves crazy with their efforts to measure up to their own high standards."

Still, melancholies are valuable in the workplace because they bring talent and creativity into every situation. And, these self-sacrificing individuals will work tirelessly to ensure that their work is as cutting-edge and innovative as possible. The melancholy's life motto: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."