So my mom and sister-in-law visited me last week.
I loved showing them around, to all my favorite parts of the city.
And the evenings at home- just being family.
Once they left, I braced myself for the adrenaline crash.
I waited for the sinking feeling of missing them- and it came.
I realize there isn't some big explanation needed, although sometimes, I find myself thinking that maybe I'd somehow feel better, if people just knew how hard its been for me to have no family around.

I just really love my family.

But I'm making it-
and I'm happy.

After a few very hard years, I feel like I can do anything.
I guess that's kinda the point, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
I really hate that saying-because when you feel like your dying, stupid expressions are really annoying.
I also feel-
Traumatized and blessed.
Vulnerable and confident.
Very, very thankful.
I'm not sure if I ever had entitlement issues, but I don't anymore.
I'm pretty sure i will never assume that anything will be a certain way.
I don't think I will ever take things for granted.

Oh God, please don't let me lose sight of what I've leaned in this valley.

Back to me feeling like I can do anything-

I could write a manual on how to make something out of nothing (in your heart, at least.) I really just want to encourage people...because as it turns out- He really does give us beauty for ashes.

Hello, my name is Holly- and I'm a chronic overcomer- seriously y'all it's bad.

j/k.


I've written my goodbye letter to Huntsville a thousand times in my head.
But I think, if the day ever comes, it will be more like a thank you letter.
This time has been about so much more than just a change of location.
It's been a change of everything.
And as I've said before- change feels a lot like loss.
But change is really just change.
And change is good.

I thought I deserved a magical rescue, prayed for a miracle, cried out for mercy.
I got all of these things- just not in the way I expected.

I'm walking this out.
I'm staying the course.
I'm going to better in the end.

Dear Valley- thank you for absorbing my tears without flooding.
Dear Box- thank you for not letting me fit in you.
Dear Death- thank you for not taking me.
Dear Brokenness- there are no words.
Dear Mountains- thank you for lifting my eyes up.

Dear Purpose- I'm going to find you. I swear.