holly-lujah, here she comes.

I wear all black to work, which used to make me feel self-conscious, but hearing an old song put it into perspective for me. It's now playing in my head every time I walk into my store. I'm there to save the day, afterall. I'm there to be light and love.

I see you're dressed in black
I guess I'm not coming back
Hallelujah, here she comes.
-Bono

This might seem like a self-inflated thing to say, or think, but it's true.
I'm coming, y'all. Get excited.

I'm coming down from emotional roller coaster that was turning 40.
I visited some dark places in my mind durning my existential crisis. 
I questioned everything I thought I knew about myself.
I felt like a fraud for representing myself as some master-nurturer, when I hadn't even nurtered myself. So I started doing stuff for me. And sorry-not-sorry became my mantra.
(By the way, stop apologizing for stuff that isn't wrong. Especially the ladies, stop. Don't be sorry for taking care of yourself. )
The main thing was accepting that there's a part of my heart that's lonely.
There was a part of my heart that needed to cry it out, and dance it out, and just be angry a little bit.
As always, in the heights of basketcase-ery, is this beautiful, fluid, messy feeling that I kinda appreciate. As my brother once said, it's better to be a basketcase than dead on the inside.
Well, if that's true, I'm alive. I'm alive and well.

I decided this is my year of champagne. I'll take all the coffee dates and happy hours that come my way. I love the feeling of tingly cheeks and belly laughs. Friends that make me giggle are the only kind of friends I need.  I'm hanging up the life-coach apron for while. Not to say I'm heartless to a friend in need, but it's diffrent now. I'd approach it in an entirely diffrent way.
The best thing we can give people is the best version of ourselves. How does one do that?
My best answer is to get excited about myself.
I choose me.
Maye just for this year.
Maybe for 17 years.
Time will be the tell.

I see the road is rough.
You know I'm not giving up
Hallelujah, here she comes. 
-Bono