I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life aorund you.

I'm answering the call from my old, abandoned blog. My heart is twisting and churning, and the only cure I know for this type of discomfort is writing.
For the last several weeks, I have been heart-achy and wistful, deep in the sentimental ocean over this milestone year for my firstborn. She's growing up, and I feel a little lost about it.

Over the next few weeks, she'll have her senior prom, take her first road trip to a concert in Tampa, and graduate high school. She also has a new boyfriend, whom she seems to really like. There's no trace of her trademark indifference over boys; a quality for which, many times, I have whispered my thanks to the heavens.

I take pride in her self preservation, as so many of her counterparts give their hearts away far too soon and easily. In a sea of swoony, heartsick girls, she has displayed restraint and fortitude; channeling her energy towards her pets and her friends. So when I see her and the new boy together, I feel like this relationship is going to count for something. He's probably going to be her first love. Often, one's first love is also their first heartbreak. Maybe it won't be for her, but as we all know, it's sometimes the hypotheticals which keep a mother up at night. I never want her heart to be broken, and I don't even care if that's an impossible dream.

I hope and pray that she is ready and has a great time with all these wing-spreading events. I hope they will bring happiness and growth. Above all, I hope I've made her ready for this big ole world.

 

My Alexandria

She's not without faults, but to me, she is her own type of perfection. This little girl who, on August 23, 1997, completely changed my world. I've been obsessed with her this entire time, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

So if any of my friends still read this blog, please say a little prayer for me. Pray that I will have the grace to let go in the appointed times, and the wherewithal to reel her back if she gets too far adrift. That I will find little ways to ease my anxiety when it gets to really brewing because that happens a lot. That I wont miss her too terribly bad when she is out living her life.

Oh, motherhood, just when I think I've settled in, another layer sheds. This love that stings my throat with tears and furrows my brow with worry, is also my greatest joy.