gunther j. torres

weekend wear.

shaggy chic.

windblown look.

i can't fight this feeling anymore.

"When your memories are greater than your dreams, you are already beginning to die."

-Kris Vallottoon

Silly quotes- that hit me like a ton of bricks. Silly words- that cut me to the core.

My question is...what am i supposed to do about it?

So I was reading my brother's blog about influence, and feeling really inspired and depressed at the same time. Isn't that the perfect example of being melancholy- inspired and depressed? I think that is what really good writing does to people. It makes you happy and breaks your heart at the same time. I'll speak for myself and say, it makes me want to write better, so maybe I can make sense of it all. And as a bonus, maybe someone will understand.

And if you read his blog, you should know, he writes the riffs that people hum when they're watering plants. He writes solos that will make you cry-even when you're happy.

That's enough about that.

I have been deep in the throes of an identity crisis, and coming to grips with the fact that I never thought past the moment my kids wouldn't need me every moment of the day. I never planned past the first day of kindergarten. I never planned much of anything.

So I'm just trying to get a handle on whatever this emo-ish funk I'm in. And thinking of my life, and what I want to do.

I have taken personality tests, and I've always come back mostly melancholy perfectionist. I think a lot of people consider this personality type a serious drag. But I come from a long line of us, and we're okay-once you get to know us. Anyway, I found this article, and although it's not intended to be funny, parts of it made me laugh. Which is good.

Yeah, the part about "asserting control by becoming moody and withdrawn." um, ouch! I never thought of it as control, just that i was just ticked off and wanted everyone to know...haha.

I know I'm not serious enough to be a true hardcore melancholy.

I'm a lightweight.

Except when I'm not.

When considering the melancholy's core emotional needs, it's important to remember the five "S's": space, silence, sensitivity, support and stability. Generally speaking, melancholies are serious individuals, and they appreciate people who share their deep-thinking and idealistic natures. Also, people with this temperament assert their control in situations by becoming moody and withdrawn.

Complete foils to the sunny sanguines, melancholies are characterized by their self-deprecating comments and overwhelming desires for perfection. However, people with this personality type are also known for being extremely loyal and faithful to those they let in their inner circle. Unlike fickle sanguines, who are known for having numerous friends and acquaintances, melancholies will be a friend for life.

Below are the key strengths and weakness ascribed to melancholies:

Key Strengths	Key Weaknesses
Analytical, detailed and orderly	Pessimistic, insecure and resentful
Considerate and respectful	Depression-prone and negative
Sensitive and self-sacrificing	Unforgiving and skeptical
Cultured and idealistic	Suspicious and introverted

Managing the Melancholy

When managing a melancholy, you should approach him or her in an intellectual, sensible manner. As people who appreciate sincerity, they don't like it when administrators beat around the bush. Also, criticizing melancholies is usually unnecessary, as they are typically hard enough on themselves. According to Littauer, "Melancholies are task-oriented folks who are careful and organized. These perfectionists thrive on order, and you can depend on them to complete a job on time. But, their perfectionism may make them critical or pessimistic, and they drive themselves crazy with their efforts to measure up to their own high standards."

Still, melancholies are valuable in the workplace because they bring talent and creativity into every situation. And, these self-sacrificing individuals will work tirelessly to ensure that their work is as cutting-edge and innovative as possible. The melancholy's life motto: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."

5 things I will never do, now that I've worked retail.

1. I will never ignore a personal greeting. "Give me/I want a blah, blah, blah" isn't a correct response to someone saying "hello! how are you today?" I will say hello, because my momma taught me manners- when I was a todler.

2. I will never throw my payment on the counter, because it's rude, rude, rude. I will give it to the person, because I'm prety sure they'll enjoy being treated like a human.

3. I will never hand trash to anyone, just assuming they are willing to take my trash. I will find a trash can, because I'm a good person.

4. I will never wisper or mouth my order to a person because I'm on the phone. They aren't paid enough to read lips. It's just kinda...incredibly annoying.

5. I will never get angry at a person for upholding a corporate policy. If I disagree with a policy, I will call corporate headquarters. Yelling at someone who has nothing to do with making rules is both pointless and mean.

and so she woke up.

So I put together a care package for my nephew today.
And wrote him a goofy, rhymey poem.
Alexandria was mortified.
She suggested I facebook him- instead of putting such foolishness on paper.

You just haven't lived until a 12 year old tells you you're tacky.

I find myself daydreaming a lot lately.
I don't want to be some distracted, far off person.
I want to engage.
I have complete conversations that I cant remember 3 minutes later.
I feel like I'm sleep walking.
I've gotta wake up-
I've got to be awakened.

I think I left my heart back home.
But that will never do...because life is here. now.

Today is all I really have for sure.

yet another milestone.

So Alexandria had some birthday money burning a hole in her pocket. She had been talking about getting her ears pierced, but I honestly didn't think she'd go through with it. That's the thing about her these days- she suprises me. Her reaction was a little funny, but she did good. And then she bought a shirt from "forever 21" and I think I've had just about enough for the day.

*edited to add* Although I haven't done any official research, I'm pretty sure she just might be the ONLY Puerto Rican girl, EVER, that wasn't pierced at birth. seriously. Carlos called his mom in PR, and lets just say she was extremely happy to hear this news. She also asked if we still had the earings that she sent 12 years ago. Carlos said hispanic mothers are like Elephants, they never forget.

ten + two.

Happy Birthday Alexandria.

if i could, i would, let it go.

beautiful day(s)

Alexandria wanted to pose next to something that said Jacksonville.

This was our tourist moment.

apple store = happy men.

(My hubby is so cute.)

apple store = sad girl.

After considering that she already has her own ipod and laptop,

she was attempting her soulish pull towards Areopostale- and you would be a fool to think that grandpa Carlos didn't take her there and do some spending.

The next day we ventured out on our own, and found the girly equivalent to the apple store.

art.

We contiued our trek to beautiful historic springfield.

Paths to friend's houses are my favorite.

There was something about being in a historical neighborhood,

with a pink bakery box that made me feel cool.

These rare moments of coolness are fleeting.

And...here he is folks. Lucas Tiago.

The best part of the trip was, meeting delicious baby Lucas. He is one of the most beautiful newborns that I've ever seen. His little face is perfect, and he's so tiny and squishy. Catching up with Kelly was like therapy, and Daniel is as hilarious as ever. You know you are practically sisters with someone when you walk in, and it feels like only yesterday since you were together, even though the calendar tells you something completely different. We caught up right where we left off, only this time... she was holding her promise in her arms, instead of only her heart. Walking into that scene, was a moment I will never forget.

The worst part of the trip was saying goodbye to them.

2 hours down, 10 to go.

Travel pillow bag for a hat.

And Aiya attempting to create her own space.

A close 2nd to the worst part of the trip was the drive there. It took us way too long (12 hours.) I think making a sonic stop for ginormous drinks on our way out of town may have been a mistake...I made this conclusion on our 5th potty stop. The drive home was way quicker (9 hours.) I drove for about half- and I don't go slow.

My bounty of herbs/homeopathics for all of my afflictions-

One of the perks of having a BFF that works for a chinese herbalist.

I just noticed that Hannah gave me 3 bottles of happy mood pills,

I'm just not sure how to feel about this.

Hannah is going to email me the pictures from our time with her, which was also incredible. Our kids love each other, and they had a blast. Hannah is a friend like no other. I don't like to think of where I'd be without her.

i am still enchanted by the light you brought to me.

(tween machine)

it's 10 a.m.
and she's still dreaming.
no longer dawn's songbird...she's sleeping in.
all the blooming must leave her exhausted.
she's almost a dozen years old.
she's a beauty.
she worries too much.
the day cant start until she's up.
the dog seems to wait.
her brothers wait.
they love her.
they drive her crazy.

she changes everyday.
she changes every minute.
she's growing up.