dream job?

I love, love, love pastry art. I've been daydreaming lately about opening a gourmet cupcake shop like this one. The founder was on TV the other day and I found her to be inspiring. She had a degree in finance but guess what...it was boring. She was making cakes on the side, using the left over batter to make cupcakes for her husband when she realized that cupcakes could be artistic and fabulous. Now she's rolling in the dough (bad pun) and seemingly very happy.

The topic of "loving what you do" has come up in several conversations this week...I just want to LOVE going to work, is that too much to ask?

Happy Valentine's Day & Happy 38th Anniversary to Mom and Dad...

*lovely pictures found on marthastewart.com*

get some tissues and watch this movie...

my future? it is what it is...

sometimes life is surprising.
sometimes it's surprising in good ways,
sometimes it's surprising in bad ways.
I am constantly at war with the pro's to my con's
and the con's to my pro's.
indecisive, very imperfect perfectionist I am.
But ultimately I am peace
knowing that I don't call the shots
the turmoil is in vain
because it's all already been figured by someone
who knows far better than me what I need.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

a little bit rock and roll...

go ty, go.

my adorable nephew.

I DID IT...

I threw a birthday party for Abraham David!

It was his first party since he turned 4. And for the first time in 4 years I escaped the black hole that is mommy guilt. It was low key at the Grid (our churches super cool hang-out place.) We had music, XBOX, soda, chips, pizza (thanks Toya,) cake, ice cream, and break dancing (Abraham does a mean robot.) So Grandpa Carlos wanted to go in with us to get him a NINTENDO DS...Carlos traveled across out great city and found that there were only 4 DS' in the area and they were all PINK. We offered his this choice along with a TMNJ skin that covered most of the pink and he said..."I'm ok with waiting" so we ordered one on-line on Friday only to find Target had about 20 black ones come in over the weekend...bummer. But I'm kinda glad Hammy isn't instant gratification like his dad (ok...and me)

You probably would love to see pictures, me too...we had the camera but no batteries so Toya (my Huntsville Hannah) took pictures now I just need to get them from her.

So here's a few word about my second-born child.

I could tell from the first first day that Abraham was mellow, he cared more about sleeping than eating...he's always been the best sleeper. He lays down, closes his eyes, and sleeps until morning. No "I need a sip of water" or "I'm scared of the dark" And for eating...he's picky and only eats when he's starving, it's not a comfort thing or pass time for him. He has an absolute heart of GOLD, he has more conviction than most adults, and is ridiculously intelligent. He could be a model for gap or Russell Moore Salon...haha. Sorry if it's impolite to brag about how cool my kid is but I can't help it...he's wonderful.

melancholy tendencies...

I tend to sit around a lot
theres stuff I should be doing
but theres lots of reasons not to
I need to go to the grocery store
but it's such a production
the kitchen floor needs mopping
but that's boring
I worked last night
not for a long time
but I got to bed late
and woke up with a headache
the lunches wouldn't have packed themselves
so I got up
I work tonight
so I must give myself some downtime
or it will all just be too much
but I hate sitting around
it makes me feel so blah
and so the cycle continues.
Why couldn't I have been type A?

the unforgettable fire..

After a very traumatic first 2 years of living here, I had a breakthrough. I no longer had a gaping hole in my heart! I got so much better about not missing home, family and friends every minute of the day....but still some days are hard.

Today, I talked to Hannah about birth...something I haven't talked about in so long.
I never get to doula anymore...another thing I gave up when I left Jacksonville. I'm now in the land of the conventional where midwifes are outlaws and homebirthers are an underground society.
I miss the birth community back home...I miss doula meetings and bradley method classes, making belly casts, ranting with my BFF"S about c-section rates, circumcision, the audacity of infant formula companies. I miss going to births in the middle of the night, witnessing little miracles come into the world, seeing a mom instantly connect with her baby. I miss being a crusader for something that matters.
Birth is my passion and I've had to let it go.
sad.
It's ok to be sad sometimes, just not all the time.

The Carlos Torres...

So Carlos is officially in his mid-30's!!! He turns an impressive 35 years old today. I know, he doesn't look 35...in fact, only a few years ago the cable guy asked him if his parents were home...to which he cleverly answered "I am the parents."

It's surreal how quickly the years are going by and how big the kids are getting. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have 3 big kids now...no babies! The whirlwind of pregnancy and babies and sickness, and more babies, and breastfeeding, and sleep deprivation, and an out of state move, and life... it's all kinda calming down to the point where sometimes (not very often) I have time to reflect upon the last 11 years, like "what just happened?" And I look at Carlos and I squint a little and I say..."I know you" (really drawn-out like Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail)
He's been right here with me through thick and thin, as our life story writes itself.

Carlos is such a good guy...he loves me, his kids, and Gunther too. He is talented, funny, considerate, smart, handsome, and devoted.

Happy Birthday Carlos
I LOVE YOU!!!

inspired to dream...

Today we celebrate a man who had a dream...and his courage that ultimately cost him his life. Oh how Martin Luther King, Jr inspires me.

Dreams take courage...courage to hope although there is a possibility of disappointment, courage to hush the voices of discouragement and ridicule.
Honestly, I don't feel completely entitled to dream...it somehow feels like a very irresponsible escape from reality. But the thing about having a dream is that although it may defy possibility it remains alive on the inside of you. Dreams are like a like a little seed planted in your soul, they come about in their own time...God's own time. The world needs more dreamers...dreamers change the course of history!!! So dream big, dream proud, be inspired by those who have gone before us!

just a tidbit from an amazing speech...

"...I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!" -MLK

good times with twister...