the way we were.

Thanksgiving 2009 went off without a hitch.
It was delightful and joyous. I really enjoyed little Miss Vaida Rose, who had the indecency of growing up since I've seen her last. She's freakin' adorable!
You're just going to have to take my word for it, because I didn't get any pictures. In fact, I only I only managed to get two pictures at all.
I have a really vivid memory, and I think that's why I don't bother with picture taking.
I just cant seem to capture the glistening beauty of it all, in a way that does it any kind of justice.
I think that would be different if I had a super expensive camera.
Maybe it's time for another letter to Santa? Although my mother told me I used to make cranberry necklaces when I was a kid, this is the first one I actually remember. My children found it odd that I was making a necklace for something without a neck. I told them it was in honor of the neck it once had. They think I'm pretty weird sometimes.

Jon Duke.

There is something so special about this man.
I've feel such pride about him.
Being his older sister was a part of my training for raising boys.
He's been teaching me things since the day he was born.
I'm watching as his purpose unfolds, and anxious to see all that he can accomplish.
I love you jonnybug.

And a special thanks to my mom for extending her trip to spend more time with us kids, and for all the food & beverage... by the way, this was my contribution...

(Carlos ate his before we even left town.)

Well, Autumn has been everything I thought it should be, and more.
We had an intensely gorgeous color display around town. It was breathtaking. People gettin' all excited about leaves was one of those things I never understood until I moved here. In Florida we have brown and green...and that always seemed like enough. It just goes to show, there's so much more to life outside of our little sphere.

I've been a little sad seeing all the trees bare, or almost bare. I've enjoyed the glow. Now it's time for a few moths of bleakness... o' seasons, how you keep us on our toes.

Next week we get to go to Atlanta to spend Thanksgiving with my mom and Jon's family. This feels like a dream since we rarely get to see any family on Thanksgiving. Anyone who works retail knows what a miracle it is to get "black Friday" off work...yay for miracles!

I've been thinking about this year, and it's been pretty amazing. I got a new car, went to Brazil, went home to Jacksonville, saw a U2 concert, Nashville to see James, had a visit form mom & Kelly, next week is Thanksgiving, and if it works out-a Duke family Christmas! We have been so healthy, and we haven't missed a meal. God has met us at every turn, he had provided beyond what I could have imagined. I just can't get over how blessed I am. Thank you Jesus!

Mr. Henry Martin

I was thinking today about my great- grandfather.
He was the only war hero I've ever personally known.
He lived to be 97.
I remember so specifically what visits with him were like.
I can remember everything- even the smell of his house.
And my great-grandmother Viola-what a beauty.
She's one of the queens that has gone before us.

When they were engaged to be married, they got into a car accident,
which chipped her diamond ring, and landed them in the hospital (where they were later married.)
Yeah, they got married in a hospital.

He had the ability to add dry wit to just about everything he said.
And their life was full of great stories.
They were homesteaders.
Had two boys & two girls.
He was a lawyer.
They were spectacular.

At his funeral, they read a letter that he wrote to his mother-telling her about Viola.
I had never heard anything so charming in life...I will have to see about getting a copy of it.

I was telling Abraham about him today. He was transfixed.
I wish I knew more.

Moral of the story...don't let your moments with your grandparents go by too quickly.
I remind my husband every time he gets a card or a call from his grandmother how blessed he is. Every year, her handwriting gets a little more squiggly- and it breaks my heart.

This is my advice, for anyone blessed enough to still have their grandparents around...
Close you're eyes tight and take in the sound of their voice.
Look deeply into their eyes.
Listen to their stories-write them down.
Keep their handwritten notes or letters.
Take pictures.
Tell them how you feel about them.
Ask them questions.
Pray that you will inherit their virtues, and are free from their vices.
And enjoy every minute.

Some of the greatest talks I've ever had were with my grandparents.

So my mom and sister-in-law visited me last week.
I loved showing them around, to all my favorite parts of the city.
And the evenings at home- just being family.
Once they left, I braced myself for the adrenaline crash.
I waited for the sinking feeling of missing them- and it came.
I realize there isn't some big explanation needed, although sometimes, I find myself thinking that maybe I'd somehow feel better, if people just knew how hard its been for me to have no family around.

I just really love my family.

But I'm making it-
and I'm happy.

After a few very hard years, I feel like I can do anything.
I guess that's kinda the point, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
I really hate that saying-because when you feel like your dying, stupid expressions are really annoying.
I also feel-
Traumatized and blessed.
Vulnerable and confident.
Very, very thankful.
I'm not sure if I ever had entitlement issues, but I don't anymore.
I'm pretty sure i will never assume that anything will be a certain way.
I don't think I will ever take things for granted.

Oh God, please don't let me lose sight of what I've leaned in this valley.

Back to me feeling like I can do anything-

I could write a manual on how to make something out of nothing (in your heart, at least.) I really just want to encourage people...because as it turns out- He really does give us beauty for ashes.

Hello, my name is Holly- and I'm a chronic overcomer- seriously y'all it's bad.

j/k.


I've written my goodbye letter to Huntsville a thousand times in my head.
But I think, if the day ever comes, it will be more like a thank you letter.
This time has been about so much more than just a change of location.
It's been a change of everything.
And as I've said before- change feels a lot like loss.
But change is really just change.
And change is good.

I thought I deserved a magical rescue, prayed for a miracle, cried out for mercy.
I got all of these things- just not in the way I expected.

I'm walking this out.
I'm staying the course.
I'm going to better in the end.

Dear Valley- thank you for absorbing my tears without flooding.
Dear Box- thank you for not letting me fit in you.
Dear Death- thank you for not taking me.
Dear Brokenness- there are no words.
Dear Mountains- thank you for lifting my eyes up.

Dear Purpose- I'm going to find you. I swear.

funny kids.

I realize, that probably most everybody thinks their kids are funny. But I've really gotta' tell you- my kids are super hilarious. Aiya with the quick wit, Abraham with the outrageous imagination, and Matthew with the dry humor.

I stole this story from Carlos' blog. I think it's great.

"So tonight I heard my kids laughing hysterically. When I asked what was going on, they said "we are making signs to protest". I asked "what are you guys protesting?" the answer was, "we are protesting signs!"
Huh!?!?

Here are some of the slogans written down on the signage:
"peace will be restored!"
"free all signs!"
"sign labor NO MORE!"
and my favorite...
"make signs, not war!"

Anyways."

be my little baby.

Tomorrow...Matthew turns seven.

s-e-v-e-n y'all.

How did that happen?

When I was pregnant with him, I was so afraid that because was my third born, he wouldn't get enough attention. I was determined that he would not constantly be in a car seat, or a swing, or a playpen, while I tended to life. So basically, when he was born, I bundled him in a sling, and he stayed there. As I grocery shopped, did laundry, pushed the big kids in swings at the park- he was right there. This is one of the best decisions I ever made. Already having two babies, I knew just how fast they grow. I knew I couldn't spoil him by holding him too much (despite what babywise says.) It might have been a little self indulgent- but babies are my favorite.

1. Matthew is a lion, he's fast and strong.
2. He eats all day, yet you cant pinch an inch.
3. He still runs over to give me a kiss when I'm leaving for work.
4. He over-explains everything. "I want a lot of cheese, you know momma, a lot- more than a little?"
5. He is really smart.
6. He is extremely funny, and sarcastic.
7. He is still my baby.

anonymous.

recently, a member of my family had to write this:
but i'm not the kind of mom who enjoys embarrassing or publicly outing my children for their transgressions. so the guilty person will remain unknown.

(the guilty person)

U2 top 10

goofy us on the train.

1. we had general admission tickets, it was my favorite- ever. it's to sad to be far away.
   
2. we took the MARTA to get there. we were with my brother, sis-n-law and his friends. it was really fun. it kinda gave the whole urban, big city adventure experience.
   
3. sadly, my ticket didn't scan for the circle. oh to be james duke.
4. the guy in front of me did reverse head banging (swift and unpredictable backwards head thrust) i kept my hand up to avoid having my nose broken.
   
5. we later moved.
6. bono pulled a lady on stage. she was wearing "mom jeans." they hugged for 5 minutes. that should of been me. i'm just sayin'.
7. my nails were painted black for this event.
   
8. muse was awesome.
9. i danced like a fool. i didn't care if i looked stupid. deep down, i'm still that crazy girl.
10. my favorite moment was actually at the end of the night. when the show was over, the guys met in the middle of the stage, shook hands, hugged, and walked off the stage. after all the fuss is over-they're just guys in a band. i love that.
    

magnificent.

i have lots to say-

but it will have to wait.

until then, i'll be daydreaming about having the time to collect my thoughts.

for now, i'll leave you with this...