finding my filter.

I used to never pass up the opportunity to speak my mind. I thought what I had to say mattered and everybody needed to know. But now I find myself feeling much more intimidated.

Wait, does self control feel like intimidation? Maybe it's just awareness that some thoughts belong only in my mind.

Those thoughts seriously just came to me; that's why I love writing.

When I find myself wanting or needing to tell somebody something, I find that I will take the time to organize my thoughts, and listen to God leading me on what to say. There's several people in my life that I always think about and pray for, and occasionally I have some insight for them. I don't think you get that for a person unless you really love them. And it's not to be mixed with control; you're literally just the messenger. These relationships have taught me how to be a friend without trying to be a mother. That's a big one for me.

So, I guess what I'm finding is that speaking my mind and speaking from my heart are two different things. I may want to rip somebody a new one, but maybe If I wait until the time is right, I will have something helpful to say.

I always want my words to count for something.

And I really want to be a good friend and/or family member.