i heart being a mom.

spring has sprung.

So spring break came and went quickly- a little too quickly.
We didn't have great weather, so we rented movies, went bowling, and to the arcade.
You may remember this post about Matthew's obsession with the claw game.
I cant believe it, but we actually won something.
It felt monumental and epic. For 13 seconds at least.

Later, as Matthew complained about fact that he only finished with enough tickets to get a laughy taffy. I had a mini-meltdown...righteous anger arose...I was outraged. I realized that I was in a casino for kids, and maybe should deal with his entitlement issues at a later time.
That's the thing with kids, they don't always appreciate the "big wins" for long enough- well Abraham does, sweet middle child.

Sure they stress me out.
Sure they're exhausting.
But I love having them home, I love seeing them be free spirits.
If only every week could be spring break.

But alas, it's back to the daily grind.
Back to working a bunch.
Back to packing lunches and homework.
Back to real life.

I close tonight at work, so I tried to make today kinda relaxing.
Alexandria and I went to lunch at a place with "gracious goodness" in their name, sounds relaxing, right?
We ordered a sandwich, a salad, side of fruit, 2 bags of chips, and 2 drinks...it was $25.00!
"gracious goodness" is an understatement- and not because the food was good.

And of course, my daughter only ate a few bites of the salad.

oh well.

how do you redeem the day after spending way to much on mediocre food?

you get your daughter a cupcake, so you can see this smile.

Yes, those are bright orange jeans.



She wears them with her zebra print Melissa's.
I love her!

More thoughts on vinyl.

My friend, Chris (the husband of my friend/co-worker and beautifully- pregnant Michelle) tried to reply to my 'saved' post, but he couldn't get it to work- he's not all that good with computers, bless him. (just kidding, he's brilliant, and funny.)

I enjoyed what he said, and how he said it. I'm all like "blah, blah, blah warm and fuzzy this & that." And he's all pristine.

"technical sub-debate?" I want one of those. LOL.

Anyway, here's his reply.

Thanks Chris!


"From a strictly technical perspective, I clearly and apologetically prefer digital formats to analog. There is a lot of technical sub-debate, especially regarding "the loudness war" (google it), but that's all beside the point.

As an experience, however, I definitely prefer vinyl to just about anything else. I like the tactile nature of picking a record, unsleeving it, and dropping the needle, but I also like that vinyl forces you to be more deliberate in what you listen to and when you listen to it. Any schmuck and shuffle up an album from iTunes and pipe it over the network to the house, but that sort of takes the soul out of the relationship between me and my music.

Vinyl is to digital audio what hand-written letter have become to email. It's archaic, inefficient, and inconvenient, but none of that matters. Sometimes, it's just plain *better*. Now I just need to get that turntable at the house back into some sort of working order.

I could go on for a while, but I'll shut up now. :) I smell a blog post on this in the near future."

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saved

So, this morning, I've been listening to Bob Dylan 'Saved' on vinyl. I forgot how good vinyl sounds- so warm and cozy. The music just kinda sits on your chest. Like how you can feel a hug for a few minutes after it's over- you can feel the music. It's brings the experience of listening to music back, and you realize analog wasn't all that bad. Sure, digital is shiny and less resistant to ware, but it's not authentic. It's fancy and predictable. Digital might makes us feel smart, but does it make us feel special?

I think If I had a choice to be old vinyl or a new cd, I'd chose to be vinyl. Even though the bright and shiny things may get the first glance, there's a quiet confidence that comes with being tried and true.

Carlos and I always laugh at the line from 'Ocean's 11' that says, "I'm an analog player in a digital world." I think it's more profound than we realized. Young or old, new or used, we've got to be true to ourselves. Whether we find our treasures under the neon lights of big-box retail, or searching for hours in a secondhand store...just be real. Just be you.

Field trip with Matt.

ink.

The seahorse is taken from the crest of my memaw's beach club. Whenever I saw the seahorses, I knew I was almost there...still the drive down ponte vedra boulevard seemed like a million miles. Anticipation always built as we approached. My breath would catch as we would pass the club, 3 more houses down on the left and there it was- the cottage by the sea. The greeting was always the same- a hug with an air-kiss and a "hello darling." She was simply devine.
How I loved my memaw.

the legends we love.

So, Carlos called me to the backyard awhile ago.

I watched in awe as Abraham took victory laps around the backyard on his new bike.

He's gone from looking like a baby giraffe, trying to make peace with it's wobbly legs- to something more like a young stallion, gracefully strutting his stuff around in the afternoon glow.

Abraham's got a quality about him that's hard to put my finger on.

He's an old soul, he's a young legend,

he's the guy who ready can be anything he wants to be.

Yesterday, a commercial came on the radio about the Oscars.

The kids started talking about acceptance speeches.

Abraham said if he won an Oscar, he would thank Paul Bunyan, John Henry, and Johnny Appleseed. What can I say, he loves his folk heroes.

I always wonder what he'll be like in the future. All I can really figure so far is that he's gonna grow up, he'll break my heart a time or two, but he's going to be amazing. One day he's gonna leave home, but we're going to talk on the phone twice at least twice a week, and he'll probably send me yellow roses on my birthday. He'll call me the night before Thanksgiving, and announce he's bringing someone special to dinner. I won't like her at first...but she'll win me over when she reveals that she's gotten him to eat salad. We'll dance on his wedding day- just me and him. We'll have the sweetest talk out on that dance floor. Knowing him, he'll probably thank me for the bike I bought him when he was 10.

yup, that's my boy.

Better.

So today, I'm feeling better. It's amazing how heartsick you can be for your family or friends.

Two weeks ago, my bff's family dog was poisoned, leaving her kids devastated, it simply broke my heart. And this week has been a pretty bad one for my family.

In the midst of feeling like the world was crashing down- I realized how little we've actually have to deal with crisis, or heartbreak. We have our measure of dysfunction, just like the next family. But we have been so blessed. I'm proud to be a member of my family- If you've ever talked to me for more than 5 minutes, then you know how much I love them.

I mean it when I say I'd rather myself hurt than any of them. Seriously, I'd take it in a heartbeat, If only I could.




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cloudy day and sad songs.
coffee for breakfast just left my stomach feeling even more like a slushy mud puddle.
I wish I could paint a picture of what I see when I close my eyes- it might help somehow.
I wish I could run in a feild until my brain stops churning 'round and 'round.
I wish I had an oulet for this energy- it might relieve this pressure in my chest.

throb.
throb.
throb.

My heart is broken.

word of the day.

What word is on the tip of your tongue? What word do you see written in the clouds when you ask for a sign?

Today, for me, it's HOPE.

Although hope deferred makes the heart sick, fresh hope gives you wings. And what good is having wings if you don't use them?







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the latest and greatest

when me moved to huntsville, alexandria was 7, abraham was 4, and matthew was almost 2. we didn't bring their bikes with us- there was no room in the u-haul. we planned to replace them immediately...5 years later, we're just getting around to it. the first place we lived was questionable and our current street is pretty busy, so i never made it a priority. i've felt so bad that my boys didn't know how to ride bikes, it is after all, kinda one of the best things about childhood. it's the wind to your back, it's the the freedom you feel- there's just nothing else like it. abraham is learning without the benefit of training wheels, no easy task.

so, we're back in business. the wind is in our sails again (not my sails per se, i just stand by and yell "car" every 11 seconds, and watch them scramble.)

they aren't the only ones benefiting from the great outdoors, i have added walking to my fitness regimen. who am i kidding, i had no fitness regimen...but that's changing. the weirdest thing about being outside more is the interaction with neighbors. abraham and i got stuck talking to one of the neighborhood watch ladies, who i thought was accusing me of stealing an ipod- she wasn't. She told us of every crime that had been committed on her street in the last 50 years, and make a racist comment. She proceeded to tell abraham if he was ever in need of help, he could knock on her door. she warned that he might get her mentally challenged 35 year old son- if that's not every mom's worst nightmare, i don't know what is. I was also told to "take a picture, it will last longer" by a teenage girl and her 2 member street gang. I giggled and said "you too!" I think mean girls are funny, so stupid and funny.

but mostly i get friendly waves, and barked out by ridiculously cute dogs. i get to listen to music and really hear the lyrics, no chatter- just me and whomever is singing in my ear. it's pretty fantastic.

and as i mentally curse my thunder-thighs, i feel the wind to my back. I hear a little voice that tells me to keep going, it says "go faster, just one more block, everything is okay at home...the dishes can wait, the laundry will get done, just keep going." and i listen, i'm cashing in on whatever freedom i've earned. i feel like i could just take off jogging, but i seriously can't. but walking fast is good enough for me. so i walk as fast as i can without humiliating myself. it's pretty awesome that most of the people in the neighborhood are like 100, or have john deere mailboxes, so it's pretty easy not to care.

just another snowy sunday

We woke up to snow this morning, it was beautiful.
I just wanted to gaze out the window and watch it fall, and get lost in my thoughts.
That of course didn't happen.

I think the biggest challenge as a mom with three kids, is keeping peace in the house.
I want my house to be soft and glowy, clean and sweet...
most of the time it's the exact opposite.

And sometimes I wonder what if:

• I had a sister, and we were super close, and my kids were like her kids, and we helped each other.
  
• My mom lived close by, and I could just drop one (or more) of the kids off when they were driving me crazy.
• I didn't have an insane work schedule, and job that took most of my energy.
• I was just one of those women who can pull it all off, and still seem like they still have more to give.

I know 'what if's' are pointless, but still, I wonder. I wonder why I've been chosen to 'do life' without the support I crave- the support I know I could give in return.

These are the things I ponder on snowy Sundays mornings.